Half-Life Journey

Recently I came to realize I’d been experiencing new traumas pretty consistently from the age of 5 up to my early 30s. Up until several years ago, I didn’t fully understand how those experiences shaped my choices, relationships, and even how I see myself. As I’ve worked to come to terms with these experiences, I’ve realized that the skills I used to protect myself or the survival mechanisms that once helped me navigate tough times aren’t suited the more stable life I live now.

Recently, I wrote generally about trauma and effects of trauma on Alaska Mental Health Hub. That article provides a broader perspective on trauma’s impact and the healing process. Here I will share a more personal reflection on how I’ve been learning to understand my past and reshape my present during the second half of my life.

1. Recognizing the Impact of Trauma

Coming to terms with trauma means acknowledging how it has shaped me—both positively and negatively. For years, I relied on behaviors that protected me during difficult times, but those same behaviors hinder my ability to thrive in healthier times. Writing the article on Alaska Mental Health Hub was a good reminder of trauma overall and deepened my understanding of the different types of trauma I have been through. It reminded me that the adaptations I made to protect myself, while once were essential, may no longer be needed and have negatively impacted parts of my life now. Yet the most important thing I’ve realized is that I now have the opportunity to replace maladaptive behaviors with healthier, more constructive ways of living.

2. The Turning Point

The decision to face my past wasn’t easy. For me, it wasn’t a single moment but rather a series of realizations—small yet profound—that change was necessary. I began to notice how old habits, such as withdrawing from relationships, making distance between myself and others, escaping reality and avoiding vulnerability were holding me back from the life I want. The turning point came when I committed to doing the work to better understand my behavior and how my experiences have shaped those behaviors.

3. Healing Strategies That Worked for Me

Healing and coming to terms with trauma is gradual process, and different strategies are helping along the way:

• Therapy and Counseling: Most appointments for any kind of therapy, whether that be counseling, chiropractic care, massage, acupuncture, etc., are an hour at most. Going into those appointments with a goal or topic in mind maximizes the time you have. This has made working with a therapist extremely helpful as we figure out tools and methods to help me process my past and build healthier coping mechanisms.
• Writing as a Form of Healing: Writing has always been a powerful tool that’s helped me to reflect and process emotions and events in my life. After experiencing physical disruption to my ability to retain short term information, even writing notes became critical to day to day functioning. For me, a journal has been instrumental to remembering events and in trying to avoid repeating the same maladaptive behavior patterns in my relationships. Blogging is simply a way to share what I’m learning with others while organizing my thoughts.
• Building Supportive Relationships: Surrounding myself with empathetic people who encourage growth and understanding has been life-changing. Having a great group of honest friends and coworkers who want to listen, encourage and point out when my behavior is way off is extremely beneficial to enabling me to adjust my behavior and communication for the better. At the same time, limiting my exposure to people who are negative or are closed off to the potential of change has been key to keeping a positive mindset.
• Self-Compassion: I can be extremely hard on myself mentally by setting lofty and unrealistic expectations. Positive self-talk and giving myself some grace when I fall short has been helpful in planning and being a better person. Little changes, such as saying “I could have done this” instead of “I should have” changes the meaning behind not accomplishing a task I’ve set myself to. “I should have” implies failure and implies that failure is done. “I could have” means I choose not to in this moment, and can revisit and do in the next moment.
• Compassion and Empathy for Others: Just as I do, others around me have bad days and troubled thoughts that have the potential to spill over into everyday interactions. Being mindful and compassionate of others’ circumstances, while realizing that a negative interaction may not be directed personally towards me has been key in being a better version of me by choosing logic over defensiveness and emotional response.

4. What I’ve Gained from Understanding My Past

As I’ve come to terms with my past, I’ve gained clarity and freedom. I now understand that my survival mechanisms, while valuable once, are no longer necessary. This understanding has allowed me to:

• Build deeper, more authentic relationships.
• Pursue goals that align with my values.
• Approach life with a greater sense of peace and purpose.

Coming to terms with my trauma has been challenging, but it’s also been incredibly rewarding. It’s given me the tools to embrace the second half of my life with a sense of hope and possibility.

Conclusion:

Healing is not a destination but an ongoing journey. Each step brings me closer to understanding myself and building the life that feels genuine and fulfilling. If you’re looking for more insights on trauma and healing, I encourage you to read my article on Alaska Mental Health Hub. Together, these pieces reflect the journey of understanding our past and creating a hopeful future. Let’s move forward, one step at a time.